I've been working myself up to this point for months now. Until the recent news of a soon to be wedding the thought of confessing my deepest of emotions vocally was an absurdity. Now it feels as though its my only option to temporarily relieve the pain. That and my gentle friend whom I hold in my hand, alcohol. He understands. Although I am more than happy for them it pains me to see the one thing I can truly say that brings me happiness taken just out of grasp. Even with this confession I doubt it will do much in the means of easing this lumbering pressure of emptiness and worthlessness. The two who I speak of are Charles Darnay and my gentle Lucie Manette. I can say with certainty that even shortly after the trail of Darnay, there was something budding inside me I could not quite articulate. But now I know what must be said. I MUST confess my feelings toward Lucie. Regardless of the answer, it must be said. Without the confession I will live the rest of my life with regret looming overhead. I need a drink.